Sometimes, Lord, It Really IS Too Much

In the very modern Church at Magdala in Israel, where I spent several days last year, is this very surprising image on a pillar, in company of various saints. He is not usually in their company as he is Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus with a kiss. And once he realized the sin which he had committed, he despaired, and committed suicide, while Peter, who also betrayed Christ, wept bitterly, and repented.

I always have had sympathy for Judas. There is, to me, a gossamer thread of a boundary between what Peter did, and what Judas did when the world and its evils pressed upon them. I am guessing I am on somewhat heretical ground here, but I wonder how fair it is to say that Judas rejected Grace because he did what he did. Well, you could say that he did reject it, but was that rejection truly voluntary? It seems to me that it is possible, and we now know that with regard to suicide in general, such that it is no longer forbidden to bury suicides in holy ground any longer, that the burdens of this world can be so much that free will is impaired.

Judas' world was full of oppression by one human being against another. His people had been oppressed throughout its history. "How Long O Lord?" they would cry. The solution came but human beings are weak and He came in a nearly hidden way. And here we are, more than 2000 years beyond the act of salvation, and still those who seek belief struggle to see Him and are as then bombarded by a culture that would happily crucify Him again, some of them among the Shepherds of His Church.

Just as I was beginning this entry I read that the beatification of Fulton Sheen has been halted at the request of some US Bishops. The article notes emphatically that there is no indication, certainly there is no mention, of any impropriety of the sort that has come to light in the last 25 years, but by so noting, however innocently, there is no such indication, the spectre of impropriety is raised. Clearly, the request is for some purportedly significant reason. Since the days of Cardinal Spellman, it seems to me that there has been a deep antipathy toward Sheen, and the antipathy increases as his prophetic words about the American and International and Spiritual culture become more evident. This news only put a period on the existential angst I am feeling.  Just as I finished this sentence, though I put a nice sign on our entry way door, which slams if someone does not hold it for a moment and close it gently, requesting that they take that moment, slammed to remind me of a world redeemed that has contempt for its own redemption or even its possibility.

The cultural dialogue, in articles, on Facebook, on television, on You Tube, on Google, anywhere that one tries to garner the pulse of the day, is plain ugly, though purveyed by those would would say they are kind and nice and tolerant--those who, I care about, have cared about, and have respected. It is no longer that one disagrees with you. It is that your opinion makes your very existence abhorrent.
I will not assert that it is on only one side of the political and moral divide merely because my own experience makes it seem so. I will assume, for the purposes of this lament, that it is on all sides.

Decent people can say horrible things with a pride that is joined by other decent people. Or perhaps I am wrong, perhaps what is said is not at all problematic. Perhaps the writer should be praised for forthrightness and truth? I leave it to the reader, and posterity to decide. But for me, it is a source of deep deep upset.

This week's straw that broke the camel's back for me. A friend of a friend on Facebook noted that he had been on a plane and saw a person wearing an American Workers cap. The writer thought, at first, that it was a Democrat, showing pride in unions. But then he saw a "Trump 2020" inscription in the back. He added this in an additional comment, ". . .it's one thing to know these ppl exist, it's another to share a close space and oxygen with them.  Hopefully, what they have is not contagious."

I wrote a comment asking if the person knew how terrifying that comment was. I have not heard back as of this writing.

Such things discourage, they enrage, they inspire fear. I can understand how Judas thought decisive, earthly action was the only solution, that God was really not listening, not intervening. The light of Grace was there, but Judas did not see it. The light of Grace is here now, but it is very hard to see it, to embrace it. And to hang on.

I just read in some Advent book authored and promoted by Bishop Robert Barron, that faith is
"passion for the impossible". Well, then, I shall try to keep faith in the face of a world so distorted that I think persecution in the United States is not unlikely. But sometimes, Lord, it really is too much!

P.S. December 13, 2019. The Facebook commentator did respond. She stood by her comment and accused me of a denigration of her.