I know I have probably reported this childhood incident before. But it bears repeating, in my mind, given the tone and tenor of the society in which I have grown older and which is less and less appealing.
I was in second grade or so at my Catholic girls elementary school. I had been put in the first row because it had been discovered that my vision was not great, and I had begun wearing glasses in the prior year. I was one of those children who had been successfully trained, primarily by my mother, but reinforced by the pre-Vatican parochial school teachers, who was literally terrified to violate the rules, whether it be the theological ones, to the extent I could comprehend them or the ones proffered by any adult whom I was required to obey. Now, there were, of course, children who didn't buy even the most basic of rules. They obviously were resistent to the imposition of a strict frame. But not me. I was an only child who feared becoming invisible to her mother if she transgressed at home, and if any transgression were reported home. When I say, "invisible" I mean that my mother would literally cease to acknowledge my existence if I crossed one of her boundaries. I did not always know what those boundaries were, and so I didn't take too many chances. I in no way suggest I was the perfect child. I was born with a tendency toward sin, just like everyone else. But I can tell you I sweated a lot over what I did and did not do as a little girl. As to my mother, I report this memory with two caveats: 1. who knows but whether my memory of these things is incorrect. We know that memory is often unreliable and 2. even if my memory is correct and my mother's form of discipline was arguably unkind or worse, she was a child of her time with all the forces that impose themselves on each individual making up how she reacted to life and her family. This is something, parenthetically, that our modern society fails to do in its virtue signalling--the idea that you don't judge people of history by today's standards without recognizing the time and the place and the understandings of the time.
Anyway, my teachers, and any adult were extension of my mother and I tried, as I say, with occasional lapses to follow the rules, which in those days were pretty direct and straightforward and overall were agreed upon by the community of man (which in case you don't know includes wo-man, with which some of us are perfectly sanguine). One morning, in class, some young rebel on my left wanted a note to go to someone on my right. As the note landed on my desk, as mostly happened then, and now, Sister Mary Agnes, saw the note. Would I have passed it on? I don't know. But probably, just to get it off my desk and feeling a rage that quite frankly I have had all my life, that people always feel free to impose on others in a way that potentially harms them and the good of all.
Naturally, when one becomes obsessed by rules there is a danger of obsessiveness, or in religious terms, scrupulosity. I had some version of these. And any violatioin of rules big or small was a likely conduit to condemnation, by me or others and of course, by God Himself. One of my failures ultimately led me to a long separation from the Church. I had forgotten about the part of sin that somes after repentence, true repentence, that is, forgiveness, restoration to the relationship that was ruptured by the sin. Anyway, spring forward many many years and now, there is no general agreement about what is right or wrong, and certainly much of it seems uninformed by God, theology of any kind or the Bible, or even basic clear Ethics. And what's worse, having replaced God, we now have nearly infinite mini-gods, in the government, in your school (think sex ed of the most pornographic time for your children; hey, I don't have children so I have no axe to grind except philosophical), at your local DMV, your electric company, you name it.
The Covid lockdown No. 1 (I do expect a no. 2) brought out the Napoleonic streak in a whole panoply of people. Stand here. (Hand up). Move now. Wrong type of mask. Mask when standing. Ok not to be on when you are sitting. If you went anywhere, you were back in grammar school in line for the fire drill, and required to be silent. Objections will not be tolerated. I obeyed. I got my vaccinations really early, because I am around older people, and I was scared by all the horrors pounded into my head, even though I did not entirely think the things said were rational or even, despite the mantra, that they "followed the science."
I cannot tell you how inconsistent have been the rules in the name of Covid protection. I particularly have seen it in nursing homes, where alas, I spend a great deal of time. The restrictions are often procrustean in one instance, but things are allowed which in common sense are more dangerous based on their own claims--for example did you know that while you are not allowed in or limited in being with your loved one, many of the staff who work with the elderly are not getting vaccinated? Now, between you and me, I wouldn't care, but then why restrictions on me when someone in there all the time isn't following the so called science?
Today's example, not Covid related, whic got me started. I went to one of my local grocery stores. They had a cashier, a lone cashier, on one of the far registers, away from the usual location for people to line up, the official location. They have removed the little social distance feet, for now, so it wasn't obvious that I was in the proper place. As I waited I noticed a woman, by the far register waiting to follow someone else. I thought, well, maybe they have changed the location to wait. But if not, I don't want to yell at the woman standing there, who had actually gotten ahead of me by doing that, not merely because I might be wrong about where the line was, but because she didn't look like she'd appreciate any remonstration from me. She had seen me come over and I think she had seen me waiting on the other side. She had that pouty look I have come to recognize in 20 somethings, that said, "Don't talk to me". She had her long silky black hair topped by a trendy fashion baseball cap, and her cell phone primed for use in her hand. She was called to the register. No one remonstrated with her for being in the wrong place.
Another cashier arrived. And one of the store employees went in front of me as if I were not standing there to check out her lunch. Now, I spoke up. Excuse me, I am next. The employee let me go, but the cashier, also a twenty something, said with a very serious authority fact, "The line is over there", pointing to the place I had thought was the proper waiting place. I said, "Well, this lady was waiting over here. And I followed her." The lady in question heard me but did not offer any assistance. The cashier seemed offered understanding or apology that perhaps I did not deserve her remonstration. No, I, DjinnfromtheBronx, was in violation of a rule. Why it would even be a rule given that there were so few people on line at that point, only me and the woman who concluded her transaction and left ignoring the proceedings that she had inititated, I do not know. After she left, I tried to explicate with a tone of apology from me for my irritation. A nice employee was kind, soeone who hadn't even been there when it all unfolded. The cashier though couldn't wait for me just to leave. Which I did. \
A friend has been trying to deal with a major bank. I have had dealings with the bank as well. What is the rule about deposits, or withdrawals, or legal documents, depends on which employee you speak to, that is, if you can get them to pay attention to you. They have rules. Unfortunately, the rules change at will.
One of my last entries discussed the rules about smoking tobacco, as they become more and more draconian up to and including what you do within your own house or apartment. But not pot. Pot is fine.
During the Covid lockdown, we had all sorts of places called essential that plainly were not. But your Church was non-essential. And whether your mother got last rites, hey, that's the price of public health protection.
Small things. But these small things are building up. Like being carded at the age of 67 to buy wine. But dare you suggest that asking for someone to be carded to vote, you are an admirer of Jim Crow. People are flowing over the border, while others wait years to come to the country legally. Right now, Cubans who are being repressed can't get here easily, but others can. President Trump was trashed for things currently being done in triplicate by this current administration and is either not spoken about or admired. I am requested to protect turtle eggs and elephant babies, but if I dare to say that abortion is killing your child, I am alt-right.
And the idea that the Catholic Church tells a so called Catholic politician he should not be receiving the Body and Blood Soul and Divinity of Christ, well that rule simply is not to be tolerated, even if it is a consistent one from 2000 years ago to date, and is based on serious thought by serious thinkers who the new rulemakers find laughable.
This stuff is quite simply crazy making, the stuff of funny farms. Our society is insane.
But maybe that's what is intended, that while we are all going crazy, the new world order is being established.
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