Saturday, May 16, 2020

They Shall Not Grow Old: Would We Be Capable of Their Sacrifices?

They Shall Not Grow Old' Trailer - YouTubehttps://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2F74h-o8dFU8E%2Fmaxresdefault.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D74h-o8dFU8E&tbnid=kZ5zDjtXdQytyM&vet=12ahUKEwiHxtX-t7npAhVJOK0KHc0oBr0QMygXegQIARBZ..i&docid=kzqgM8BOsUdDAM&w=1280&h=720&q=they%20shall%20not%20grow%20old&ved=2ahUKEwiHxtX-t7npAhVJOK0KHc0oBr0QMygXegQIARBZ

In my quest to find interesting documentaries to watch to stimulate mind and soul, I ran across this memorial produced by Peter Jackson of Lord of The Rings fame, for the one hundredeth anniversary of the end of World War I. In some ways it is very basic, the recordings of now dead veterans previously preserved, over the film of boys as young as 16 in the British Services in the trenches, facing, quite frankly, a likely death as they "Fix Bayonets" and go "Over the Top" to be cut in half by all manner of artillery then available. In other ways, that I noticed were criticized some in the reviews of elite magazines, it was a bit of restorative magic. After a black and white introduction, the hue in which these recordings were made and are stored in the Imperial War Museum, the film becomes colorized (looking to me much like the tone and tenor of the movie "1917") and, at first surprisingly to me, the voices of officers and men from the screen spoke and seemed to match the movement before me.  It turns out that lip readers were used to match what was said by these long dead boys, where it was possible. Again, it seems that reviewers found this objectionable as somehow being misrepresenting of the truth of the time and place. For me, it was like seeing real ghosts and it penetrated my heart and mind in a way I could not have previously imagined.

The picture above which attends a You Tube Link I highly recommend was one that really affected me. Remember that cameras were still a new thing during the first part of the 20th Century.  These boys were having recorded their smiles of curiousity, but mostly, their bewilderment and fear and to me, in the case of the boy pictured here, their profound sadness. Not everyone who speaks in the voiceovers went because of a sense of mission; as was true of those days and days before, young men had a Romantic idea of war, for reasons that to my modern mind, seem irrationhal. It was true of Francis of Assisi when he went off to war against Perugia, only to be imprisioned for one year and to discover upon his return, the complete disorder of man and the need for God.

But some had a real sense that there was something to be defended, a way of life, perhaps, one where some men did not exert the authority of pure power and coercion against his fellow man.  The cost was 1 million British servicemen. Even then, some would say that it was a waste, as they might say World War II's fight against Hitlerian totalitarianism and the culling of those considered imperfect was a waste. But then, and probably up to these enlightened times, most would have agreed that there was a mission to preserve freedom.

There they are in the muck of the labyrinth of trenches, wearing the same uniform perhaps for the whole of their services. There they are propped up and lined on long logs over a ditch with their pants down. No porto potties in those days. It was not infrequent that one of them would fall off and into the excrement. Many the picture of the dead soldier on the battlefield in this documentary. They would not grow old because they were gutted bloody on the battlefield.

If they be called foolish automatons for the cause of freedom, what might we be called today? Freedom does not have quite the cache that once it did. One might even say that we are automatons for promised safety and security that no government run by human beings will ever provide as the nature of humanity is first to suggest, then to command, and finally to compel. You don't think so? That's ok. It doesn't matter what I think as I am in no position to influence the world. In time, as is true on social media platforms, any opinion found inconsistent with prevailing propaganda will be simply mocked, then dismissed, and finally, excised. As I said, freedom doesn't have the cache it once did.

Even I, as I watched the documentary said to myself, "Why would anyone ever fight for his country?" And given the mere lip service we give to the people who lie under white crosses and
Jewish Stars in lonely fields, that boy above seems a bit of a fool to have believed that his sacrifice would matter 102 years later. But he was just a boy.  He probably wasn't thinking that far ahead. He just wanted to go home to his mother, or to his girl.

Anyway, the peoples of nations say they will never forget the sacrifices of these kids, not only the ones who died, but the ones who return with their minds and souls in shreds from what they have seen.  Christians say, the blood of the martyrs is the seed of the Church. Church and Country seem to me, as I look around and compare this time of my little life to other times of my little life, pale versions of what they were even 60 years ago. I know, many think that because it was imperfect back "in the day" it has no merit ab initio. That is what comes of man thinking he can create a Utopia, or build a Tower to Heaven all by his lonesome. Here we are, modern men and women, knowing so much more than Socrates, or Pericles, or Plato, or Aristotle, or Augustine, or Jerome, or Thomas More, or Bonhoeffer, or Stein, or well, anyone who had anything to do with the Declaration of Independence. 

I think I need to find a more cheery documentary. Let me go and look right now.  But first, I probably should say a prayer to the God so thoroughly pushed out of the public square that we don't know up from down.




Tuesday, May 12, 2020

If I Had More Time. . . . By Constantine Gochis

It is time for another Constantine story. As I go through them, always a bit of delightful discovery of a person I knew, but didn't. Isn't that always the case with those closest to us? This particular entry somehow also seems apropos to the period through which we are living. And so, I leave my father to posit the question

IF I HAD MORE TIME?



There is no shortage of attributions, and a multiplicity of aphorisms on the subject of Time. It stands still.  It flies. It waits for no man.  It inspires the musing of poets.  It is like an ominous weather system that hovers in the sky above your town.  It waxes and wanes.  It is of the essence. Witness:

"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
Until the last syllable of recorded time. . ."

It is precious for some and a matter of indifference to others.  The former have reason to mistrust the idiosyncrasies of Time.  Who knew this better than Napoleon who addressed his conquering soldiers in Egypt in the beginning days of his glory with this epiphany:

"Go sir, gallop, and don't forget that the world
was made in six days.  You can ask me for anything
you like, except time."

Besides, he said to his assembled horde:

"Soldiers, from the summit of yonder pyramids
forty centuries look down upon you."

That's a lot of yesterdays.

And you ask me, "What if you had more time?"

If this is a genuine offer, and indeed you are the One who can shape the infinite, I beseech you listen to my confession.

I look with sadness in the "recycle bin" of my life.  Do not judge quickly.  It is no better nor worse than the lot of most of us.  Perhaps it is a little less worthy, somewhat short of the "Image" in which we are made.

And in the matter of Time, great gaps of nothing done, little of any marked consequence.  The great challenges that have crossed my path are still undone.  It is the nature of Time to expand to meet the needs of one's procrastination.  Nevertheless, I beseech all who are wont to judge.  We are cast into this infinity of candy stores, like children with varying amounts of small change.  The things you want to buy are always just a little more than the coins you have to offer.

Still there is some sweetness in whatever we choose so a little more of the same cannot hurt.  It is definitely in order to tarry a little longer.  Hence, if I had more time. . ..

I am prone, for better of for worse, to persist in the ruts I have made already in the road of life--essentially, whatever I have done before.  I am a fallible, weak vessel.  Time is precious even if one does nothing with it except loll in the glory of Creation and reflect on the celestial brightness of the sun caught in a dew drop on a leaf.  The poet T.S. Eliot, however, laments:

"Where is the life we have lost in living?
Were is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?
The cycles of Heaven in twenty centuries
bring us farther from God and nearer to the Dust."

Lighten up, Thomas.  Omar the tent maker said it best. "Take the cash and let the credit go."


Monday, May 11, 2020

Coronavirus California: Monday during Phase Two

I have to say that Phase Two looked pretty much like Phase One as I did some errands in my West Hollywood area.  Well, it looked the same outside. As for me, I have made a change. I was finding it really hard to breathe in any of the usual masks folks are wearing. Taking back in my old air really unnerved me, who knows why. A while back I had ordered an alternative on line, but it took forever to receive it. Until this past weekend. My new face shield. It may not look any better, and in fact, when I see this picture, I think it looks worse, but it surely feels better. And it is easily cleaned.



Thus, newly, though ghastly attired, with my eye makeup smearing by virtue of sweat, off I went to get quarters for the washing machine I use in my building. (Yes, I do disinfect it before I drop in the clothes.) In ordinary times to which we may never return, change appears as I go about purchasing lunch or sundries in restaurants or retail stores, but in the last two months I haven't used any cash, or rarely used it, and so no quarters have accumulated. The last time I had to go to the bank, there was no wait, but this time, there was a line as is customary for the grocery store, though there were maybe a total of less than 10 people inside the bank.

It was the kind of day that has kept me in California despite its near destruction by our one party system, blue skied sunny with just the right level of wafting breeze. I noticed a pet store across the street, pretty new, it seemed to me, though how long it will last during this economic downturn I couldn't say. But its signage was certainly of the kind that one has come to expect from our society unencumbered by basic beauty and civility.  Billboards and store fronts are now the sites of ugly announcements of the entertainment or accessories enticing the 21st Century generation.



Technically, indeed, a female dog is properly categorized as on the window here. But for me, raised in unenlightened times when propriety ruled, the no doubt intended to be cute advertisement, was just another example of an oppressive period in human history. There was another humane pet store down on Fairfax for a while. I only went into it once or twice, it's signage, "Barks n 'B--ches" having always put me off. And humane as it was, it smelled like a zoo. But they went out of business before the current crisis. Lucky for this new place that the word was available for creative use.

Waiting my turn to go into the bank I considered how my father had often predicted apocalyptic events that would occur in my lifetime, after his passing. Somehow, it is still a surprise that I am among a masked population standing on blue or green tape to assure that I my fellow citizens and I are safely separated from each other. At some points, walking on the street, or looking out my bedroom window, the streets eerily empty and some leaflet attached to a pole flapping the only sound, I have thought I was in the opening of an episode of one of those prophetic, black and white television science fiction shows. People have mentioned the "Twilight Zone" as one. And that surely is regrettably applicable. I try not to think that our permanent future will feature variations of this current crisis. A man in a mask comes by to ask a question of the guard. I can't understand what he is saying because his mask muffles the sound.

I receive my dispensation to enter the bank, and the teller is wonderfully accommodating. Then off to Bristol Farms to see what I can buy. Here there is no line and I get right in with my newly sanitized shopping cart. I buy stuff I probably would not ordinarily, just in case. This is a very small grocery store and for all the "wait here" signs on the floor, you pass well less than within six feet of the person in the same aisle as you.

Fortified by my purchases, I begin my walk back to my apartment. I noted that the Griddle Cafe, a usually highly frequented and celebrated spot for young people, weekends with long lines of waiting customers, hasn't been open even for take out for over a couple of weeks. Then on the corner, the Indian Restaurant that also had been open for take-out is closed. They had been starting to pick up before the shutdown.  I wish them well, but my sense is that time has run out for them. Does a livelihood have anything to do with life? Facebook discussions would indicate that the answers are very different and highly charged.

As I hit my block, I walked past a building--the place where Sheila Graham used to live in Old Hollywood Days, and where her boyfriend, who actually lived on Laurel Avenue, the world renowned writer F. Scott Fitzgerald died of a heart attack in 1940, eighty years ago. There was a mother on the grounds, her Gerber like baby crawling excitedly on a patch of grass. She didn't have a mask on. In that small picture, life looked entirely normal. I stopped to watch the baby. For a moment, all the stresses of the last two plus months dissipated for a moment. I tried to say something to the mother in praise of her beautiful child. She didn't hear me. She pulled out her ear buds. She picked the child up until I passed on. The child shrieked with the plea to be put back onto the grass.






Saturday, May 9, 2020

Fun with Podcasting!

Sheldon had his flags. I might have just latched onto podcasting, in addition to this blog.  We shall see what we shall see.

Some of you probably know if you read this blog that though I became an attorney and practiced for about 30 years, my heart was always in the less confrontational (sometimes) and more creative arts. I got sidetracked, nearly, from the law when I worked in college radio, and interned here and there in the media, and when I did some speculation script writing. Since my retirement I have boomeranged into some, if not all of my old interests. Whether they "go" anywhere, which is the province of the young and ambitious, is, in my dotage, less of an interest--though I would be lying if I said I had no ambition. But primarily, and particularly during these dark days of our history, it is about that psychological stage of life Erik Erikson called "generativity".

Back in the day, when I was at WFUV, to do a radio show you needed a whole room and a lot of help. Today, you can get a mike and headphones and plug a show into your computer and download it onto a site that makes it pretty easy for you. That isn't to say that it is easy. There is learning how to handle the software and figuring out what you want to "talk" about.

There were two things that if I could go back, and if I hadn't been risk averse and well, had some money to indulge in, that I would have focused my attention on--writing, and well, radio. Well, it may not be a career, but it is a darn terrific avocation. And, since I am a little bit on the lazy side, isn't it nice that I don't have to make a living with either.

But it would be nice, that, since I share my blog with you, and it does seem to get read, more of late when people are home, that I could share my new effort with you. Now, I know not everyone is a Catholic and this podcast is about being an ordinary Catholic in a crazy world, but I hope that there will be some things that will pique interest in all of you. We all struggle with the same big questions.

So, here, I hope is a picture of my podcast page. I have all of two "programs" and each is pretty short. Baby steps.

https://djinnfromthebronx.podbean.com/

Feed on
 
Posts
Beginnings. This is a beginning for me in a different forum. I have been blogging for some years--DjinnfromtheBronxChapterThree.blogspot and I will continue to do that. But something about this time in our mutual histories, the world wide quarantine because of the Coronavirus, just tweaked my longstanding interest in establishing a podcast on a subject that occupies much of my world, and sharing it with others for whom that is also true, my Catholic Faith. It won't be anything fancy. I am no Teresa of Avila, though we might be talking about her down the road. You can call me Jinn for the purposes of this. . .what I hope to be a weekly gathering. I hope you'll let me know how it's going. 
A long ago question becomes relevant today, and the answer is. . . .Stay. 
-

Friday, May 8, 2020

Harry Potter and the Ominous Shadow and Joseph's Seven Fat and Seven Lean Cows by Constantine Gochis

So, again, today, I am going through Dad's short stories, and found the one that follows. Since the protagonists are Dad's parents I put before you a very old and fading photo. I never knew my Grandfather who I believe died in 1948, but Grandma lived to the ripe old age of 90. We weren't particularly close. I didn't know her very well.  For some reason, likely the usual family antipathies, I had commerce mostly with the Irish side of the family, my mother's side. To the extent that I did have interaction with Grandma Gochis, my impressions were of a short (about 4 foot 11 inches), plump, toothless (she never seemed to be wearing her teeth when I saw her and her upper lip touched her Italian nose as if they were one), woman who would only ask me if I went to Church on Sunday. She was the Catholic side of the family; Grandpa was the Greek Orthodox. My father was nothing I could ascertain until at the age 0f 85, mostly to make my life easier (related to burial and the like), he became a Catholic.  As you can see, like most pictures in New York of the era, this photo was taken on the roof of whatever apartment building in which they then resided.



Dad's Story:

I cannot say that I do not believe in ghosts.  I will not walk under a ladder, and when a black cat crosses my path, I worry considerably. I am troubled especially when my left eye twitches.  It is all part of my heritage, of my childhood, in a big house, gas lit with flickering jets that cast playful shadows on spacious walls; where the cellar staircase creaked at the lightest footstep.  Eye twitching was serious business.

Papa expressed it in his own idiom.  Papa was a Greek immigrant.  He used to say, "my eye shakes" and his tone reflected foreboding. 

I did not have to ask "Which eye?"  Everyone knows the left is the sinister side of things.  Everyone, certainly, that is of Mediterranean derivation.  Similarly, it is common knowledge that when your left palm itches, you are in danger of losing money.  I do not know if the converse is true.  In any case itching of the right palm was never, to my recollection, reported.

Papa's left palm always itched and he frequently lost money.

Still, he searched patiently within the lore which was thousands of years old when he was born,
Divination, a practice still popular in the small Aegean village from which he came.  Divination, from wic he sought some augury of good fortune.

On occasions such as Easter, or Christmas, or Thanksgiving, when the traditional large bird is sacrificed, Papa would make one of his traditional prophecies.  He would examine, with critical attention, the carcass of the now denuded offering, with stern expression, certainly consonant with that worn by some ancient oracular priest in some Orphic Temple. He would announce:  "We are going to have a good year!"

We generally did not.

Mama, whose ancestry stemmed from the sunny Italian south, was concerned with the Malocchio, The Evil Eye. 

This was not peculiar to Italians.  The Greeks call it Ta Matia, which simply means "the eyes".  Among the Hebrews, the phenomenon is called Kenohoras for which I have no literal translation.  But it is said to be an equally troublesome force in any language.

In any case, Mother thought of this phenomenon as sinister.  She maintained, volubly, to Papa's great discomfiture, that the greatest potential source of danger from this malevolence resided in the machinations of her two sisters-in-law. 

These ladies were, as Mama phrased it, "imports from Greece".  Both my uncles married natives from their village of origin.  Mama asserted further that the boys were inexpert in their choices.  She said, that "they picked lemons from the Garden of Eden." 

I was present, as a child, when the great ship docked in New York with my arriving aunts.  Mother allowed me to go to greet them with great reluctance. "Il Malocchio", she expostulated.

The cry was reminiscent of the cry of the hunchback courtier of the Opera Rigoletto, "La Maledizzione" in Act One.  Mama uttered her imprecation as dramatically as any opera star.

Papa was obdurate.  His son would accompany him to greet the arriving bridegrooms and brides.  Mama's objections to my attendance had made his eye shake.

I must admit I was protected with appropriate amulets.  Mama put salt in my pockets and a necklace of garlic around my neck.  These are powerful deterrents to the Malocchio she was certain.

They were not.

I developed Scarlet Fever. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

I Fear the Greeks Bearing Gifts by Constantine Gochis

For today, no lamentations regarding the Coronavirus and its worldwide grip. Instead, I offer another Constantine story.

I FEAR THE GREEKS BEARING GIFTS

Orthodox Baptism Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

When I returned home from four years of war in 1946, apa was not there to greet me.  He had been forbidden by court order not to approach within one mile of his former residence.  For those of you who require the whys and wherefores of such things, that is a story for another day.

I located him in Freeport, Long Island, where he had again become a successful entrepreneur during the war.  He was, also, an Elder in the Greek Community, to which he spent out reunion day introducing me, never failing to point out that I wore the uniform of a Captain.  I marveled at this affection for the military, since he had left his village in Greece to avoid their obligatory draft.  I do not say this as criticism as Papa was wise in the moral truths of the world and the impotence of war as a solution.

Moreover, when I left after several days of VIP treatment, he urged me to visit often and to be sure I wore my uniform.

To be fair, I knew that Papa was not given to ostentation without purpose.  His business successes were frequently attributable to his particular charm, and a kind of practical guile in soliciting advantage.  His favorite device was a gift basket of rare fruits studded with such amenities as champagne and caviar within which he would include an envelope carrying crisp new bills of varying denominations--depending on the value of the gratitude required.

I knew that sooner or later his purpose would be revealed.  IT was--and much sooner than I expected.  I was asked to serve as Godfather to the newly born grandson of his business partner, Aristophanes, who was the Patriarch of the community and who boasted a brass posting of his identity on the walls of the town cathedral. It extolled his generosity and was, I suspect, a down payment for immortality.

There is no point to recount my protestations, the fact that I almost never had gone to Church and that my Greek was far from passable within the context of an interminable and intricate liturgy.  He reminded me of the many dollars he poured into the private school he sent me to learn Greek and the immortal ways of our Fathers. He reminded me also of my filial duty to make him proud and of the benefits that would rebound to our family name.  

I capitulated though Paper made that sacrifice easier by offering the down payment on the new Ford motorcar I contemplated buying.

There are twenty-five pages of single-spaced text in the Sacrament of Baptism.  I spent several days memorizing the Nicene Creed in Greek, my major part in the ceremony.  For the rest, I seemed to be managing well.  When the Priest asked me if I had renounced Satan and all his works, I said I had, though mentally I thought I would not want to submit to cross-examination on the subject.  When he asked me to breathe and spit on Satan, I did.  But the worst was to come.  As I stood taut and anxious for my cue, a voice behind me sounded. I listened to seventeen lines of perfect articulation of the Creed.  Apparently there was some apprehension that my recitation might in some way inhibit entry into Paradise for the infant, as my accent was identifiably non-Greek and likely suspect.

I admit that I was relieved, though somewhat insulted, at the intervention.

Later, at the inevitable reception my tension was assuaged when I drank several toasts to the immortality of my Godchild.  There were toasts after toasts.  I do not remember much about the dancing, but I do recall the Patriarch and grandfather of the now cacophonous infant and his dramatic entry upon the scene of the celebration.

He strode into the hall majestically, removed his overcoat, and tossed it into the middle of the floor.  His wife, elderly and stooped, her head covered with the traditional pleasant scarf, picked it up, dusted it off, and exited the room.  She was clearly a proper wife and helpmate in the ancient tradition of our forefathers.

Papa was pleased.  I was slightly drunk, and puzzled.  There was nothing that revealed his purpose in the occasion.  Papa usually had a good reason for his business peregrinations. To plagiarize a phrase, I decided I would think about that, tomorrow.  

It was many tomorrows before the contents of my father's wooden horse became apparent to me. But it is late; I am tired.  If you want to hear more, so signify, yea or nay.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I think I recall what was the reason, the purpose of this introduction to the Long Island Patriarch and his family. I know it was the subject of another story. It may be one already on this blog, I don't remember. If not, hopefully I will locate it and transcribe it here in time.  I can tease it however. The old man had plans to marry Dad off to one of the young ladies of the family. The problem was, which my Grandfather did not then know, my father was already married, to my mother. They kept their marriage a secret for one year. 



Monday, May 4, 2020

It's Not the Virus Alone Provoking Anxiety

I keep hearing how the Coronavirus is responsible for the destruction of our economy and concomitantly, how it is responsible for the anxiety which people, many of them anxious on a good day, feel. I beg to differ. It isn't the virus. It is the media, on all sides, which is primarily responsible.

I admit it. I have said it before in these pages. I am by nature anxious. Fear and I are long time companions.  Both my family and educational trainings emphasized the need to be careful, never to take unnecessary risks (and pretty much everything was a risk), and to obey authority as to what was risky and/or foolish and/or improper. Alas, like many people, I internalized the proscriptions and prohibitions such that I became obsessive and/or compulsive about a million different things.  I managed sufficiently and, as I have mentioned, with some help, avoidance of particular triggers, and the flexibility of retirement I actually have had fewer episodes in the last say 10 years.

In this current global crisis, my avoidance technique has included limited exposure to mass media coverage of the "Coronavirus Crisis". As I said in a previous entry I listen to just enough to know what is going on, including talk radio, and up to here I have managed to maintain a reasonable equilibrium, despite the fact that I am considered to be part of one of the groups at high risk--age and health. As you know, if you read this blog, in October I had a stent placed in one of my arteries. I take a blood thinner that has a side effect. Sometimes I feel a little difficulty in taking a breath. Before the crisis, my doctor asked if I could tolerate it, since he liked this particular medication, and I could. I can. Until this "crisis" I was doing well. I felt well. I felt able. I felt healthy. But with the pointed reference to whom is at risk, I now am extremely heart aware and I am always checking if I can hold my breath for 20 or 30 seconds to assure myself that I don't have a symptom of the virus. I doubt that I am alone. But despite this, I have been all right enough.

Until early this morning. Hugh Hewitt, to whose program I listen when I cannot sleep early in the morning, was interviewing some expert. Mr. Hewitt emphasized the lethality of the virus to people like me, again of a certain age with co-morbidity. All right. I can live with that. I am taking the necessary precautions. But then the expert began to talk about separating those who are considered "healthy" from those who are at risk and continuing to "require" that those individuals remain quarantined. Now, note, it wasn't that these people are sick with the virus, only that they have the vulnerability. He wasn't talking about people in hospitals or nursing homes. But people living in the world, usually free to go about, but because of their "vulnerability" required to stay home. I just spent about a half hour trying to locate the recording of the show, to confirm what I thought I heard, but haven't been able to do so to give you a link.

I came pretty close to a panic attack and shut off the radio. I had some plans to take a short trip in June to meet up with friends. Under the best of circumstances I hate the travelling part of travelling. Under the best of circumstances I have gotten sick after flying. I came back from London in 2013 with strep throat, for example. But I usually overcome the variety of fears and make some trips. But having heard this last pronouncement, ostensibly for my good and the good of my fellow citizens, I just wanted to shut down.


I fell asleep for the next several hours. It was a rare really good sleep. It must have been a REM sleep because I had a dream in which I somehow was back at the location of my old job at the State Bar. I wasn't working there. I was walking through the building--not sure which one--looking at various offices, running across one of the few of my old colleagues still there, eating his lunch, but then somehow tripping an alarm and being apprehended by someone in security. I would say that it was an anxiety dream, but oddly, the security guy took me to a bar within the Bar, left me there with a bartender I could not identify, but who made me very comfortable by presenting me with a pleasant concoction to sample. I woke up feeling uncharacteristically refreshed.

I don't know. What's the point of all this? The point, for me, is that I don't buy that all this coverage or the measures being taken unilaterally by our leaders is intended to be of service to the population. Perhaps some people will be saved from the Coronavirus by locking themselves in their apartments for the duration (effectively if you have to avoid listening or reading the constant coverage, they are in solitary confinement), which now, in California is going to be past May 15.  But what about the rest of us? Who will save the anxious from their anxiety? I am pretty sure I will survive, but what about those whose depression and anxiety is overwhelming. Does anybody in the media care about them and their crippled lives? That's separate and apart from all the people who are now on the verge of starving because they and their families have no jobs, and the domino effect that shut down has world wide.

As for me, at least for the moment, and I hope I stick with it, I plan on taking that trip. It's time to live.