"Why Straws?" and Other Thoughts

A few days ago I was at one of my favorite stalls in the still remaining portion of the Old Farmer's Market that is next to the Grove in Los Angeles getting a little something to eat. As I retrieved my order and my coca cola, I took a straw. I guess this area being in Los Angeles, and not in West Hollywood, where I live, plastic straws are still in a visible spot.

Anyway, the server and I got into a short discussion in terms of bans and other regulations said to be for our own good by our elected officials. She asked, "Why straws?"  I said "I ask the same thing, but usually, quietly, because it is offensive to disagree to many these days, and if you do, such discussions usually resolve nothing or devolve with the offended's use of an ad hominem rather than a reasoned explanation. The server said, "Well, not me, I ask 'why straws?'"

As I went about the rest of my day, the "Why Straws?" question rumbled in my head. I consulted Google, which, despite its own likely delight in straw banning, would at least give me an inkling of the of the peculiar focus. There were several articles about a turtle that was injured by a straw that quite literally went up its nose and got lodged there. As an animal lover, I felt horrible about this, and while I was at it, about all the creatures that get tangled in human trash plastic and otherwise. But I didn't find a really satisfactory answer about straws, in particular. And if you are going to ban the straws on your cuppa of cola, you really need to ban the lid that is plastic, and while we are at it, the big cups that are plastic for the super super drinks. Maybe they will get to that, but I found myself mentally digressing and asking, "Why is there so much plastic in the ocean?"  Well the reason is, in large, though not in total part, human littering. People throw stuff in the oceans, and lakes, and on the ground where water/rain/washing sends it into the sewers (the ones not blocked) and into the ocean and lakes.

As usual, it is human conduct, or in this case, misconduct, that is largely responsible for the stuff that hurts the creatures in the ocean. And the easy fix? Ban something. Don't deal with the miscreants who throw their garbage out car windows, or throw their last Styrofoam take out box on the ground, or spit on the ground as they cross the street, ban something so that people who do follow rules don't have the benefit of use.

The real fix would seem to be to prevent the items from getting into the ocean, by enforcing the laws already on the books about littering, and, in the case of one of the other reasons things get into the ocean (like blowing off trash trucks, or blowing out of the large containers in landfills) figuring a way to keep the stuff inside the disposal unit. But politicians like the symbolic solution, not the real one.

Back to straws for a second. Many of us, dare I say, most of us, bring our large cup drinks into our cars, where, when we were able to get straws without feeling like Jean Valjean, we could take a quick and easy sip as we sat at the red light. Without a straw, you have to negotiate an open container of stuff, unless you have one of those really cool sippy cups. And if you get rid of the lid, you have your favorite fizzy slopping around we you hit the many bumps on the road of your deteriorating infrastructure that your local politician doesn't get fixed because it is better if you just ride a bicycle or the train or bus.  Accident anyone? You are not really supposed to drink or eat in your car anyway, so let's get rid of those cup holders!

And as to bans, they are not really always bans. They are often revenue raisers purportedly to take care of the oceans and the creatures in them affected by plastic, that goes into the back hole of whatever city hall corresponds with your progressively minded location, and is never heard from again. And the oceans and the creatures still are in critical need of address.

So, for example, I have read over and over that plastic grocery bags are banned, and that one should bring one's reusable bag (there in lies another interesting health hazard the long term consequences of were ignored apparently). That's great for the stores and the revenue as most of us forget those bags at home or in our cars and so need to get more. Or you can pay for a paper bag. Ten cents please.

But you know what? Every store still has plastic bags, thicker ones, to be sure, but they are some kind of plastic and I cannot imagine they are doing turtles any good.  The only difference is that you pay ten cents for those too!  I went on Google again to see what the pundits, think about that and I couldn't find a reference to plastic bags being sold for ten cents, or plastic bags still being sold.

I like plastic bags. I put used cat litter in them; wet cloths I am throwing away, and such. So I pay the ten cents for them. One thing is for sure, plastic bags have not been banned. I am fine with that, but it makes me question ever more the sense of accomplishment our political betters seem to have.

Apropos of straws in restaurants? You can't have them there either unless you ask. I guess no one is worried about the multitude of lips touching glass and I hope that the folks that wash dishes use really really hot water. You might have heard that things like the bubonic plague, measles, whooping cough and who knows what else, is back in Los Angeles and other big cities. That's progress. 

Miracle of Clarity

No, this is not an attempt at a philosophical or theological treatise. It is merely about a not so little technological miracle for which I am grateful.

I began wearing glasses when I was six or seven years old. As happens with many children, I wasn't seeing the blackboard in my classroom. In particular, in arithmetic classes, I was having a particular problem. It wasn't that my answers were wrong (my math anxiety that would cause wrong answers was a few years away), but that the questions were. Sister Ursula, I'm thinking it was, was perspicacious enough to call my father (always the primary contact for school matters) to suggest his one and only had an eye problem. You'd think that I would have noticed I saw everything in shades of foggy, but when you don't know how your sense is supposed to be, you are not aware of a deficit.

So at a tender age, I began to wear glasses. Now in those days, the lenses in glasses for someone with approximately 20/600 vision, were coke bottles. They just had to be think to do whatever that refraction thing was (I think) to make seeing possible. Thus, however beautiful I thought the frames were, once they were fitted with the lenses, I certainly looked like Mr. Magoo. 

I suppose it was tolerable enough when all I had to consider was going to school, doing my homework, and playing "Red Light, Green Light" in and around our tenement courtyard (tenement means, a multi-family building of any sort, where there are separate apartments; lately of course that word has taken on a negative connotation alas).  But then I was in high school, an all girls high school to be sure, but one that shared dances with the local boys' schools, like Mt. St. Michael.

I wasn't pretty, at least in my mind, and glasses, however necessary, added to my sense of futility about having any boy ask me to dance. So at the very first one I attended in Freshman year, I decided that the thing to do was to ditch the glasses, hide them under the bleachers, and ask my friends if a guy who approached me met with their approval, and thus, mine. The fact that the lighting was so low combined with my serious myopia mean that not only could I not tell what the approaching boy might look like but I was lucky I could make out if they had any features at all.

I squinted and sweated in anxiety through that first dance. When it concluded, I rummaged under the bleachers for my specs, and promptly stepped on them. Arriving at home, I cried as I begged to be allowed to try contact lenses. I am not sure whether it was my sincerity or my persistence (I tended to be an obedient and unobstructive child so if I was insistent, my parents probably felt it was serious enough to warrant consideration).  Contact lenses were no inexpensive commitment in the 1960s. They weren't quite as massive as the glass ones my uncle Tony actually had (I guess for driving his bus, though I really don't know come to think of it), and they were hard plastic, and the word was that some people couldn't get used to them. I was 14 so my parents were skeptical. Me? I was highly motivated.

My father took me to the offices of Lewis Schachne, an opthomologist in chic Manhattan, the first place I ever saw the Magazine "Highlights for Children". After the examination, both dad and the doctor pointed out that it would take several weeks to get used to the contacts, if I could. I had to work up to wearing them, an hour a day, then two, and so on. Although I can be impatient about many things, when I know that I really have to do something, or want to do something, I will commit with fervor.

And so I did. I wore hard contact lenses for the next eight years. This was, I suppose, the first miracle of clarity. Yeah, it could be difficult at times, particularly if anything, dust, a hair, anything, got under the lens. This would cause all sorts of eye gyrations, and tears as the eye tried to get rid of the irritant. I got good enough on train rides and bus rides on the No. 1 bus on the Grand Concourse in popping out the lens (lots of wearers can relate to this), somehow removing the obstruction and popping it back in. Not particularly hygienic to be sure, but in the days before warnings on everything, worrier though I was about most everything, this I did not worry about. I ultimately got to a point where, again not recommended, that I could wear the lenses all day and into the night. Most people would never see me with glasses. I was liberated!

But when I was in college, there was a hitch. One night I came home, popped out the lenses and my eyes became a painful waterworks. Dad and I went to the Emergency Room at Montefiore Hospital, but by the time they got to us, hours later, my eyes were no longer watering or hurting.

I was told that I had corneal abrasions. This apparently was a consequence for long time hard contact lens wearers, and I could not wear them for more than a few hours a day, if that. Although by this time, soft contact lenses were in use, they had not yet become workable on someone with an astigmatism, so I was out of luck.  Fortunately, now it was the 70s, and aviator glasses were in, lenses were a little less think, and with a  tint, I could get away with it. Anyway, the 70s were not a fashion period, so I blended in quite nicely with my long hair. I was a little bit Gloria Steinman, in look. Well, that's what I told myself

Once I was in law school, soft lenses became possible, and I was again, at least for 17 hours of the day, without glasses. I got my Hamill hair cut, finished school, and moved to California.

Time warp. Thirty something years. There have been all kinds of surgical improvements for eyesight, but they are not terribly reliable, and even if they were, soft contacts had served me well, but I was developing cataracts. My optometrist suggested that I didn't have to wait until I was in my 80s to have them repaired, they were causing weird coronas on lights, and it was getting annoying to drive at night for the glare of the headlights of other cars. And, she said, by the way, that will be covered by your insurance so, if you want to pay to have your myopia repaired at the same time, that's something you might want to consider.

"You mean," I thought, "not have to worry about where my glasses were in case of fire, earthquake or other natural disaster?" "You mean, being able to wake up in the morning and not have everything look like it had thick gauze on it?"

Oh, yes, there were people who said, "Whoa now, these things don't always work."  But once again, I was highly motivated. I had been a child, a young woman, a middle aged woman, and now an "ahem" woman of a certain age, with lousy vision, but I could have better vision now, at this late stage, then I ever had in my whole life.

And so, I did it. To see the world was like seeing a restored Renaissance painting, the colors vibrant in a way that no contact lens had ever made possible. With contact lenses I never could easily see signs until I was up close to them. Now I could see blocks away. I remember being amazed at the depth of color of the stained glass in my church. There was perfect visual clarity. An even more astounding miracle, for in 1968, the idea that I would ever have normal sight unaided (I did not have the presbyopia aspect changed; wearing reading glasses never bothered me) for distance, was impossible.

Six years passed since that profound change in my existence. Naturally, I became a little nonchalant about it, taking having regular sight for granted, so much so, that though I noticed things didn't seem so vibrant anymore, particularly in my left eye, I assumed that it was just that the novelty had worn off. I hadn't been back to my regular optometrist, as I no longer work and go downtown where the optometrist was (in the building in which I worked), and because except for off the rack reading glasses, I saw fine. I breezed through my reading test at the DMV more than a year ago.

Then I noticed in reading, one eye seemed really hazy, and I wondered if cataracts grow back. So I went on line, and saw that no, they don't grow back, but there is this thing that is loosely called a "second cataract". I decided, a rarity for me, maybe because I was highly motivated, not to overthink it, and just make an appointment with my old surgeon's office, Assil Eye Institute in Beverly Hills.

All was well, except (and if anyone is interested what gets cloudy is explained on the net) I needed my implanted lens polished. This is considered a common "complication" of cataract surgery I have since read.  But if this is the only complication I ever have medically, I wouldn't complain. Now, I remembered that when I wore lenses, they would get dirty, and cloudy, but of course then I could pop them out, clean them and that would be that. These post cataract, post myopia repair eyes didn't allow for that. I didn't ask how they would be polished if they were attached to my eye. I'd wait and find out when I got there, if that indeed was the problem.

It is called a laser capsulotomy. Yes, it is done with a laser. Dr. Assil said, just as he finished the two or three minute procedure that though I thought I was seeing mighty fine (not his words) with my right eye, in fact, I would now notice that it was the left eye that was clear and the right a bit cloudy.



When I went outside, I remembered what I had felt when I had the original surgery. I had not realized that I had actually lost the vibrancy, the definition of of sky, and water, and object, and faces. And now I can't wait for the right eye to be done, in a few weeks.

A third miracle!

There is so much I hate about our technological world. I mean, a lot. But these things that can be done for teeth (I have implants and I tell you they are pretty amazing too), for eyes, for ears, for other parts of the body, that are purely wonders.

I so often look at the world (figuratively) with clouded eyes. But this experience has me seeing it with enormous gratefulness.  To man, and God, both.

Dad in School

When my father returned home from WWII, he finished high school, and on the GI Bill, he attended college at NYU. I realize how much I am like him when I read this piece, an exercise for the class in which he received only a B. His diatribe was early evidence of my father's tendency toward a certain verbal intensity, and sense of justice even in small things. He was bright, and impatient. He, and this is something I inherited, didn't much like criticism, and barely tolerated even reasonable critique.

But here, I kind of understand his pique. I had difficulty when I went back to school for a while, at 40, with professors whose life was safely inside the ivory tower, being firm and rule bound with people who worked in the outside world. That might not be fair, but there it is. I also share a tendency toward anger when I feel that justice is not being done.

Now my father seems to be referring to some incident that occurred before this particular piece. I sense the professor both sort of chastising my father for his expectations always to be given the highest grade, but also rather liking his assertions, and admiring him.

I happen to agree with the Professor, and if my dad were alive I think he'd be upset at me for saying it, that this wasn't one of my father's best pieces. But it is part of who he was, very long ago.

And I want to save what I can of him.

How Can You Tell If They Are Wearing Clothes--A Constantine Gochis Short Short Story

The little girl waited for the clerk to total her purchases.

"Five seventy-five," he announced.

She was not pleased.  She rummaged through the items separating them into three groups, and asked for the total of each.

The clerk was annoyed and the customers on the growing line were beginning to grumble with impatience.  Nevertheless, he accommodated the child.  He gave her three separate totals.

"I don't want these," she said peremptorily sweeping one set aside.  "I'll take these two." She pointed as she crumpled a set of bills in her hand.

There still was not enough to pay for the goods.

"What can I leave out," she said, to no one in particular--her computation skills seemed not quite up to the mathematics.

A final figure was arrived at with the grudging assistance of the clerk, but the end was not quite yet.

"I need a soda," said the little urchin, as she ran behind the counter and rummaged for a particular flavor.

"You can get a cold one over there," said the clerk, now thoroughly acclimated to the inevitable, though perhaps somewhat amused or charmed.

I turned in impatience to the lady behind me, and said:

:I've never met one of these little creatures I can abide even when they are less visible."

"You don't like children?" came the defensive reply.

"I have full confidence they'll grow up like the rest of us, and I'm not convinced I like grown ups any better." The woman bridled.

"Do you have children?" asked the defensive lady.

"Seven," I replied.

"Do you like them," she prodded.

"Perhaps one of them," I replied, but she's on trial perpetually.  If you want my opinion, the British of Charles Dickens' time had the right idea; "Ask for MORE and get the flat of a properly applied boot--and a couple of 'Bah Humbugs' for emphasis.

My peripheral vision caught a very alert little girl listening carefully. Her eyes were wide open, inquisitive, not angry or judgmental, only curious.

"Not this little girl," I hastened to proclaim.  "She is assertive, intelligent, knows what she wants or does not. Besides she is pretty," I added as a palliative.

"I happen to be a boy," the injured one announced as he gathered his purchases and departed.

This Crummy Gaslighting Society

I hadn't planned on going to see "Rocketman" for a variety of reasons, but a friend of mine, who loved it, several times encouraged me to go and see it. So, today, having made a mistake about a medical appointment (the date thereof) feeling out of sorts and a bit reclusive, I thought it would be a great time to go to an afternoon movie. It just happened that "Rocketman" was playing in the local theater near my apartment.  I decided not to take my purse, and, perhaps foolishly for other reasons (like dropping dead on the street) and wanting to walk light, I took only my keys and my debit/credit card (it had my name on it, so if I did indeed drop dead I can easily be googled and identified). It just happened the movie was playing at 2, so perfect timing!

When I got to the theater, it was actually locked. I have never known a theater to be locked in the middle of the day, particularly with a movie to play in a half hour, but I waited on a chair someone had thoughtfully left in the shade, for the doors to be opened. The place was basically empty, and so I was first, well, only, on line.

I told the attendant what movie I wished to see and handed her my debit card. She said, "Can I see your ID?"  Well, I didn't have it as I have already mentioned above. I couldn't see a problem, except maybe that I could be using the thing fraudulently, in which case, my bad, and I'd have to forget about it. But that's not what she said. She said that they were required by their alcohol license to see everyone's ID.  Really. To buy a ticket for a movie? Well, I do hate that because of fear of whatever, lawsuits, offense, it is now the rule for places to ask people well over 21 for proof of proper age to buy alcohol. But I was buying a ticket for a movie. I promised I would not be buying alcohol. I got angry. I asked for the manager. He said the same thing. I asked to see their license. He declined. I was told that this was a law of my particular City.

I was beside myself. The world is fighting over whether people have to show identification in all sorts of, well, more weighty circumstances. Fine. I am not here to argue that. But when so called rules are applied inconsistently and with obvious illogical support, it is nothing more than insanity if not demonstrative of a decaying, oppressive society. I hear some of my best friends laughing at my outrage. But here is the thing, we once individuals are like the lobster put into a pot of pleasantly cool water. The water gets warm, and then hot, and oops, the lobster dies. We are dying as others create and apply rules for our daily goings and comings, ever so selectively and not with any rational basis.

I decided to make a few calls. First I called the City's number. I explained the situation. The person said that this had nothing to do with the City. But that was what I was told. The man was amused, for clearly I am very stupid. You see, when these things happen, there really is no one responsible, no answers or effort at giving answers. So I called the State Alcohol folk. The woman on the phone was nice enough. She had not heard of such a rule, and I offered to let her speak to the young person at the desk (who wasn't going to do that). She called the manager again. Meanwhile the nice staff person on the phone promised to talk to her supervisor.

Now, this time, the manager was actually quite nice and showed me the license and the section that he proposed gave them the authority to require ID. Except, suddenly, things changed and he was talking about the purchase of alcohol. I said, "So, I can buy a ticket as long as I don't seek to buy alcohol?" or something along those lines. "So, I CAN buy a ticket?"

Yes. He began to explain that the young woman at the desk was just doing her job. But, that did not make sense, because I was buying a ticket, not a drink. I decided, though I was ready to explode and no longer in the mood to do anything, to let it go. I thanked the manager. I bought the ticket I had originally wanted to buy with the debit card I had first presented. I asked if I were allowed to buy food without ID. Yes.

Later, I had a message from the Alcohol state person. Very nice message. She said that I could call, but the questions I had were a matter between me and the movie theater. There might be restrictions on their license that prevented me from entering if I didn't have ID.

Here's what I think. I think, ultimately, the young person at the cashier line made a mistake in asking for ID when I was buying a ticket. Somehow, perhaps, she misinterpreted when one is asked for ID. It's idiotic to ask an obviously over 21 person for ID, but that at least would make vague sense. When I didn't let it go, some place between my going out to make calls and coming back, the mistake was realized, and it wasn't about buying a ticket, but about actually buying alcohol.

I probably should just have gone home to do my fuming. But I went to the movie. Perhaps I would have liked it more if I saw it another time.

Now, I know. Even if I have a million dollars in cash when I go to the movies I better have my ID. The signs are everywhere.

It is Hard Not to Be Afraid

Saint Pope John Paul the II used to use a phrase, itself from the Bible, to comfort those who heard him in the face of a world that seems determined toward self-destruction.

"Be Not Afraid." As a believer in God, I try not to let the storms of this society set me into both terror and despair. But it is getting harder, and harder with each passing day. The movers and shakers in the public square speak as if they have reached an apotheosis. We, in the 21st century are much better than anyone in prior history. We know more. By fiat, we can reach utopia, not like those know nothings of the past, Plato, Aristotle, Augustine, Aquinas, Washington, Jefferson, De Tocqueville, Lincoln, to name an infinitesimal few. 

And, in that spirit of private revelation, those who control the flow of information determine what should and should not be said. It may well be a mystery as to why something is offensive, but with great power comes small and then greater oppression. 

So, yesterday, I read on Facebook a complaint--that a quote by St. Augustine was being removed as being "hate-speech". I read the quote.

“Let us never assume that if we live good lives we will be without sin; our lives should be praised only when we continue to beg for pardon. But men are hopeless creatures, and the less they concentrate on their own sins, the more interested they become in the sins of others. They seek to criticize, not to correct. Unable to excuse themselves, they are ready to accuse others.”

"That can't be right" I thought. So rather than merely share the complaint, I found the quote and posted it with the idea that Facebook could not possibly have a problem with a quote from a famous theologian.  I made no comment when I did so. 

One of my friends even liked the quote. I think she might have shared it. 

And then today I found this.

Yesterday at 1:03 PM ·

checkmarkcaution-solid

This content isn't available right now

When this happens, it's usually because the owner only shared it with a small group of people, changed who can see it or it's been deleted.

1Connie Licciardone

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.I did not share the quote with a small group of people. I did not delete it. Then who did? And why? It certainly cannot be that the quote was in anyway considered, by somebody with a great deal of power, to be "hateful".

And, whatever the reason, is that all right with you, whatever religion you are, or no religion, or whatever party you belong to, or no party at all?

I pray not to be afraid. But, frankly, I am--particularly if you can justify the deletion.

A Constantine Story: Count Gregory

I have a million of them. Well, not quite, but there are a lot of short short stories by my father. I intend to put as many of them onto my blog as possible, when my inherent laziness doesn't prevent me. This one is in the style of Damon Runyon. He did quite a few in that style, that is, using the present tense.  So here we go with "Count Gregory".

I do not see him for some fifty odd years.  Suddenly he is the host of a big bash to which I am invited.  He is no longer Count Gregory.  He has a new name I would tell you, but I am foresworn not to do so. He is a well known Hollywood actor, now retired, and a noted comedian.  He is regaling, now, perhaps one hundred invitees, many who are Hollywood notables of other days.  It is a routine that is as well-worn, and has many lines from his old routines, some that resonate like eggs that hit the floor, but are somehow palatable, in that they are in a polished presentation.

I say this authoritatively since I attend some of his early forays into show biz.  Nevertheless, in the back rooms and dressing areas of the New York demi-monde, he is warmly accepted.  He is charming, continental, sartorially elegant and usually treated by impresarios and actors as a peer.  He is a salesman who works for me, long ago, in a sales promotion organization which job is the main source of his daily sustenance.

I attend a few of the spots he appears in. They are, curiously enough, choice bistros on the East Side of Manhattan.  His routine is a kind of Victor Borge imitation.  I catch him several times at the famous Czardas Restaurant, or the Viennese Lantern.. He bombs as usual.  These places are elegant cafes on East Seventy-Ninth Street.

One night, at the Lantern I watch as he performs to total inattention.  The audience includes the Gabor sisters, Zsa Zsa, Eva and Jolie, who chatter away, indifferent to the Count and the universe outside the perimeter of their table.

It is following this performance that the Count treats me to an extraordinary inside look into some of the intricacies of behind the night life scene.

"Come," he says peremptorily, "we go to a fund raiser of a new musical. But first, we pick up Bibi."

He hustles me through the entrance of the Flamenco, an upscale bistro, through a maze of tables into a dressing room, where Bibi, the guitarist headliner, is doing her after performance ablutions.

She rises and they exchange hugs in a familiar manner. Then he introduces me.  She takes my hand rather than shaking it, and it is excessively warm, though I do not think a fever affects her.

"Bibi," announces the Count, "put something on.  We go to Orsini's for an expresso.  Then we go to a fundraiser for a new musical."

Orsini's is also a bar and restaurant.  The proprietor himself comes to serve us.  He greets the Count with a hug, and a kiss on both cheeks, catching a good look at Bibi.  He decides to join us for a dram or two.

His name is Orsini, which is an Italian name of medieval fame dating from the time of the Medicis. I hear later that he claims them as ancient cousins. He carries and twirls a key ring, which is a large wood effigy of a little bear, which is the meaning of his name.  e is not little though he bulges somewhat.  He is clearly taken by Bibi.  Somehow I get the feeling that they know one another, although there is no clear sign of recognition.

"You guys doing anything?" he offers. "Let's we go to Twenty-One, or the Colony."

I get a tremor of apprehension.  I do not carry enough money for a tip to the men's room attendant at one of those plush watering holes.

It takes much dissuading to discourage Orsini from coming with us, "Wherever you are going," as he puts it.  He seems very disconsolate when we leave.

We arrive at an elegant tall building of New York's Central Park West, somewhere in the low sixties.  The apartment, in the eleventh floor, is the antithesis of the exterior, small and cheaply furnished.  There is a grand piano, a tired sofa, several pillowed armchairs and an assortment of folded chairs.

It is a wearisome routine, with an interminable score, great accompanist, and an ingenue singer, who never makes it to the top, but fills in, now and then in the road companies of hits like Kiss Me Kate.

I move to an unoccupied sofa and Bibi sits on the arm and takes my hand.

I do not recall that there is an effusion of material appreciation for the opus. Count Gregory is practically oratorical in praise, but not forthcoming in pesos.  Bibi picks up her guitar in one hand, and takes proprietary possession of my arm with the other, as we leave.

On the street, Gregory hails a taxi.  We mount, and he directs the driver up town, dismounts, and asks me to escort Bibi to her home.  The taxi wends its way downtown to perhaps a block or two from where we begin.  I watch the meter apprehensively all the way and curse the Count silently.  We could easily have dropped off Bibi first.

Her building has a doorman and the elite appointments.  Her apartment is small and box-like.  I suppose that in show biz, it is the address that counts not the gentle appurtenances of living quarters.

We exchange amenities, and after a reasonable period, I rise to go.. Bibi gives me an affectionate hug and I notice that not only are her hands still warm, but so is the rest of her.  I remember that I am married.

There is no real story to this narration.  After the bash of last week of which I tell earlier, the Count and I spend some time in reminiscence.  I don't know how pleased he is to see me after all this time, but he gives me a hug and kisses me on both cheeks.  He is still very Continental.  After a few more shots of Vodka he answers the questions I do not ask him, though I am very curious.

"It is very simple," he says.  "Bibi is my little sister.  We come here together from Minsk and I always look after her like a big brother should.  She is married to Orsini--you remember--the little bear and he wants her out of show business and at home cooking spaghetti.  I figure a little jealousy mediates this problem.  I choose you as the shill, as you are young, passably looking, dress well, look like money, though I know you do not have any, and no danger to Bibi, who is often a little too warm; I know you recently marry and are reasonably safe. So I parade you a little, for the Little Bear.

I am not too pleased with the end of his dissertation.

"I can tell you know, as it is fifty years later. Bibi tells me that Orsini is waiting outside her apartment house, that night, with a baseball bat."

"Waiting for what?" I ask.

"Not what, you." he answers.

As Alan Alda says in one of his movies, "Comedy is tragedy plus time."

Evelyn Waugh's Diaries: A Mysterious Disappointment

About a week or two ago, I found a series of interviews, done in the 1950's, with a variety of well known thinkers and writers.  One was Bertrand Russell; another Edith Sitwell, and then another, the man pictured above, Evelyn Waugh, known likely for the book "Brideshead Revisited", that more than once has been made into a television mini-series. The story follows two primary characters, Charles Ryder, a middle class Englishman who becomes friends with and effectively joins the world of Sebastian Flyte when he attends Oxford University, a place of education, history and the debauchery of excess drink and sex. Sebastian is one of the children of an aristocratic Catholic family, the Marchmains, and he carries the excesses of student life into his adulthood, along with rebellion against the Transcendence of his faith, which tugs at him always. Ryder is consumed by the family and fascinated by its fitful faith, the "twitch upon the thread" of both men's consciences.

Now, the interview was both interesting, and a little uncomfortable, in that the host seemed to be grilling an adversary, and the respondent, Waugh, was reacting in a most prickly manner. I found some other interviews after that, and while he was less prickly in them, he was not, by any means, particularly charming. I found an extensive documentary on the man and while he had loyal friends, many people, famous and infamous, simply did not like him.

I have only read three of his books, Brideshead, of course, a biography he penned about the Catholic priest Ronald Knox (very much in the style and conscience of a Newman or Hopkins, but less well known in these days), and the Ordeal of Gilbert Penfold, which was about a man who takes an extended cruise and is delusional the entirety of it. It turns out that this book is somewhat non-fictional in that the very same thing happened ot Mr. Waugh on a similar sort of trip.

The satirical writing was sharp and sometimes laugh out loud funny. I guess I am not surprised that this was aI difficult man, and one who did not suffer fools. But with Brideshead, and commentaries on it, I sensed a complicated depth which always attracts me to read journals, if the person happened to keep one.

Well, Mr. Waugh did keep a journal. He never sought to publish it, and my sense from reading about him, he never intended the diary to be published (though one can argue about journal writers, and as one, I am aware of the contradiction, he might well have wanted in his heart of hearts that it might be after his death). He began it when he was about seven years old and kept it until about a year before he died at the age of 66. There were multiple gaps of a year or two or three in the product, possibly because certain sections he destroyed (like the period of his first marriage).

I started reading with relative thoroughness, but the first half, nearly, was indeed, as professional critics have noted, repetitive.  He drank a lot, he went out a lot to eat, he went to a great deal of theatre, and he wrote his books and reviews in between. Oh, and of course, just as in Brideshead, at college (and possibly at many other times) there was a lot of sex in all its polymorphous dimensions.

As the years passed, there was more and more travelling. He was a prodigious traveller, and from what I can tell, a very brave one, able to put up with a great deal of discomfort. And there was World War Two and a full, if contentious, military career. He taught some.

He went to Church, both as an Anglican, and then, after he converted, as a Catholic. As it happens, I was interested to know, one of the Catholic Churches he attended when he was in London was one I attended when I was visiting England in 2013. So, I can literally say (and I admit to a great deal of pleasure in it) that I trod the same Church aisles as did Mr. Waugh. I like it when my little history touches a bigger one. I suppose I expected as to the conversion, as I did related to anything else he wrote about privately, a bit more substance, detail, explanation of his intellectual road, his emotional state. Even when he spoke of his children, he was detached. I have read about him, that while his children loved him dearly, he was rather indifferent to them. Now that was a bit of a trend in "those days", but he even, in his diaries, characterizes most of his children with irritation if not disdain.

By the time I was into the second half of the diaries, I admit I had begun to skim. To be fair, I will do that in other books if something is not specifically interesting (to me). I think it is an element of my impatience to get to a point. I am a bit ashamed of this trait, as it probably causes me to miss the development  and nuances of the exposition, but there it is.

Then I found that among his articles was an essay written in 1930, just after Waugh became a Catholic, "Converted to Rome: Why It Has Happened to Me", and the depth I craved and had found in Brideshead, but not in his diaries.  I also think I might have read somewhere that Waugh did not like journals or diariI hes in which there was a more psychological bent.

I don't currently have access to the whole article, but only to a portion printed by Aleteia ( within an article byTod Warner) to which I provide a link:

https://aleteia.org/2016/08/22/christianity-or-chaos-the-life-changing-choice-of-evelyn-waugh/

 To me, his explanation of becoming and remaining Catholic, even after the wholesale changes in the liturgy in the 1960s, which he loathed (and boy is he not alone in that as the return to either a more reverent Novus Ordo and an exodus to the Tridentine Mass show today) speaks not only to 1930's Europe, but 2019 America.

He was, arguably, another in a line of prophets, that without Christianity, specifically from his view, Catholicism, the alternative was chaos.

So, in this particular case, it is the public, the creative Waugh who exhibits more depth than the diarist. Perhaps this is a case where it would have been better for the world, and for Waugh's legacy, if his second wife and his son, the late Auberon Waugh, had not sought to publish these diaries.

As I conclude, I wonder if there was not a bit of "Daddy Dearest" in the motivation rather than an effort to promote Evelyn Waugh. It's certainly too late to ask Auberon.

Monkeymind at Adoration

It's the First Sunday of the Month. In the Catholic faith, in many parishes across the world, the First Sunday is the occasion of a period of Eucharistic Adoration.  Let me back up. What is it that is being adored? Actually Who is it that is being adored?  It is our central belief that Jesus, the Second Person of the Trinity, upon the liturgy in which an ordinary piece of bread, in the shape of a host, becomes fully present Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. The Host still has the appearance of bread, the taste of bread, but is Substantially God, Jesus Christ. So, at the Eucharistic Adoration, a large Host that has previously been consecrated through the instrument of the priest (but by God Himself; the priest has no power in and of himself) is placed in a receptacle called a "Monstrance" and left for a period, an hour, or as long as overnight, on the altar, as people come and go (some stay the whole time) and pray. The soon to be beatified Archbishop Fulton Sheen recommended the practice daily and in fact, he died sitting before the Sacrament (which means a visible sign of God's Presence on earth).

"Those crazy Catholics!" I hear some of you saying as you find another blog to read. But not so crazy if this 2000 year old belief in the Transubstantiation is true.  There have been a lot of people who have believed and died in that belief, and many who this very day who will die in that belief. Among them are some of the most brilliant thinkers in the history of civilization, a heck of a lot more brilliant than me, or anyone alive right now. The thing about this faith, it has been said, is that Christ was one of three things, a liar, crazy or that what He handed on was true. But I digress. which I suppose is the crux of this entry. And I know that my inadequate expression of the the theology of my faith isn't going to convince anyone.

St. Victor has an afternoon Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament on the First Sunday (among other occasions). I try to stay after the service and I try to pray when I do stay. Some days, I have moderate success at focusing on the altar with Our Lord, quite literally, with us as He was with the Apostles in the boat during the Storm on the Galilee. I say the rosary, or I read some short meditations from one book or another I favor.

My mind is always going a mile a minute, but usually I can slow it down when I come to pray within the Church. But today, it sped  up. You name it I was thinking about it, lunch, tasks I have to do during the week, ideas for things I am or have been writing, taking note of my overwhelming laziness when it comes to a variety of projects I claim to want to tackle, annoyance at an interaction I had during the week, comparing the accomplishments or lack thereof of my life to those of anyone or everyone whose face popped into my mind. They say in general meditation one should not follow the thoughts, but sort of bat them away in the mind with the help of a mantra, in this case, "My Lord and My God". "Ok," I think as I lose the rhythm of the prayer, "I've got it!" Then I don't and the thoughts rush in at dizzying insistent speed.

Of course, the more I say to myself, "Stop it!" the more I can't. I remember that I need to ask for God's Grace in this as in all else. I take a deep breath and probably for all of 50 seconds I am thinking only of God, not in any precise way, but being present in that pew.

And then it's gone and my mind is off again! Well, I remember that St. Theresa of Calcutta said something in her journey along the lines of "God does not ask you to be successful; He asks you to be faithful."  I go to St. Victor every day (except Saturday) for Mass, and I often sit in the Church bathed in a natural amber from the light streaming from the stained glass windows after Mass before I run off to this and that in my retired, anonymous life. And I will try again, with His Grace.

All of Me Why Not Take All of Me, Story by Constantine Gochis written in 1997

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gfhQ91rwZ8

The above is the title of a song that was popular in the late 1930's, perhaps the early 1940's.  It is not a song of particular excellence to me, but it is memorable in that it evokes those days, when, as a young man, my fancies were somewhat limited--one might say monosyllabic.

So, I am somewhat saddened to hear on the news that the writer of this popular ditty has died.
This news and the memories they invoke give us a kind of kinship, though I do not generally composers of any stripe, fro Mozart to Tiny Tim--who, by the way, is now strumming his ukulele in some astral realm.

Larry, my best friend at the time, and I, have dates.  Eddie, a friend of Larry's, has a car.  It is an impressive vehicle, though it is not his. His father buys this make of car, a Cadillac, every year, or as soon as the ash tray fills up.  He does this with the shekels he accumulates from the sale of half-sweet and half-sour pickles, and very sour green tomatoes. Eddie, his only son, the apple of his eye is a distinguished scholar and a nerd by any standard.

Larry negotiates our access to the car, the conditions being that we find a date for Eddie and share in the expense for gas.  The conditions are harsh particularly since Larry does not volunteer a source our of which the date will appear for Eddie.  The girl Larry is squiring is b the beneficence of my girl friend, who has a sister with nothing to do on Saturday night.

Still the car is an absolute necessity.  We have promised our dates and evening at the Glenn Island Casino, many miles outside of New York City, one of the Big Band Temples of pre-war days.  I suggest we repair, preliminarily to West Farms Road, where the monstrous Seventh Avenue subway snaked its way out of its subterranean tunnel, onto the massive pillars of an elevated structure, and then wheels, one more stop to the Bronx Park Station.  It is at this juncture that the "Starlight Dance Hall" resounded to the rhythms of the Big Bands, where boy looked for girl on Saturday night, where "Marty" either played by Rod Steiger or Ernest Borgnine found his date, where three of my four sisters snared life-long mates, that we repaired in search of a date for Eddie, one flight up on a staircase of ascending and descending hopefuls.

Eddie was a disaster.  He could not find a single girl to dance with that he did not refer to as a "dog".  Our dates began to carp with impatience.  Drastic measures were called for.

I asked Eddie to dance with my friend.  I had noticed a very attractive girl standing apart from the fray, seemingly aloof.

She looked a little tall for me, but I decided to try.  She was indeed tall, wearing flat shoes, as if in testimony that height was a negative.  Her hair was long and almost blonde.  She was exceedingly pretty and bore a pencil applied mole on the side of her chin.  She was an accomplished dancer and managed to squish down that inch or two that exceeded my height.  She hummed the words to the number we were dancing to.  I, in turn, related our dilemma, assuring her that Eddie was a nice guy, that we were planning a big evening at the Glen Island Casino, and, she assented.  She would go with Eddie.

Eddie did not assign to her that canine quality he had applied to all others earlier. He was delighted.  Larry and I agreed that Eddie had the prettiest date.  He did not stop at a gas station to top his tank, a sure sign that her presence discouraged his usually miserly predisposition.  He put on several bursts of speed to demonstrate his mastery of the Cadillac. Larry and I gritted our teeth at these sallies, as he was as lousy a driver as he was a dancer.

It was a spectacularly successful evening.  The music, the dancing, the cocktails. Miriam, that was her name, though she preferred "Mimi" was gracious and comfortable even though Eddie was more insupportable than usual. She sang uninhibitedly to almost all the ballads.

She seemed to place a special emphasis on the words to that new song, as she intoned:

"All of me, why not take all of me?" looking casually at no one at all, but simultaneously caressing the inside of my thigh, under the table at which we all sat, in accompaniment.

POSTSCRIPTUM

I mourn, therefore, the passing of the song's author.  More tragically, I mourn the fire, after the war, that destroyed my memorabilia.  My photo album featured an 8 by 10 of Mimi, with the little black pencilled dot on the left side of her chin.

Four years of correspondence went up with the fire, words of dalliance continents away.  One of my sisters, on viewing the photo, dubbed her, uncharitably, "The Mole."  Sisters are ungenerous critics of other women.

"All of Me" was our song for memorable year before I went into the service. In January of 1943, we spent our last seven days together, a shiny, new second lieutenant and a lovely blonde girl several inches taller than he was.  Oh, such a world of memories that can be triggered by a song. 

Brief Encounter by Constantine Gochis

Sometimes, as some of you know, I post stories written by my late father. Here is another, called "Brief Encounter". It remains my long term goal to put as many of these on the blog as possible for his posterity, as he had no grandchildren, a regrettable reality of having only one, singularly single child. 


He was tall and supple for an elderly gentleman.  He bent forward and reached down to the last shelf for the item.

"There, there," instructed his companion, clearly his wife.  She prompted as he fumbled--
"the one in the brown wrapper."

I watched him with his characteristic absence of dexterity so common to the ale in matters of food shopping.  I turned and addressed the woman.

"They take instruction, don't they?"

She looked at me, puzzled for a moment.

"Men," I said.

She laughed finally in total agreement.  "They do need instruction."

He arose, finally, and placed his arm comfortably around his companion, then leaned forward and whispered to me an acknowledgement.

"She's my Commander-in-Chief."

"A recent elevation in grade?" I inquired.

"No, for forty-four years," he replied.

She smiled broadly. My guess was that they had had a marriage of affection and accommodation to each other's needs.  They had the wholesome air of small town, honest and unpretentious.

They looked settled with each other, at ease. To me this is a feat after so long an association.

"Any children?" I asked.

"Three, and nine grandchildren," she answered.

I was about to say "mazeltov" but I settled with the ore prosaic and certainly more timely "Happy New Year!" as the cashier rang up my purchase.

"With you too!" they answered in chorus. "Happy New Year!"